You have never felt as if you belong. You have a constant longing for being accepted for who you are. Since school, you have been treated as an outcast or decided not to allow anyone to know about the deep secret you keep hidden away deep within yourself.
You do not have the courage to show people who you truly are, always keeping the ‘unaccepted self’ in the closest.
The thing is, you may be out of the closet, but you still realise that the world actually does not support you. Your lifestyle may be viewed as an abomination by some, and this could make you feel even worse. You have been verbally and physically abused just because you are who you are, and then we do not even have to mention the religious guilt trips that some (or yourself) may send you on.
When denying yourself, and not fully accepting who you are, there will always be something missing － a yearning, sadness, lost love. You will go on living a life that will never be the first prize, constantly thinking of how it could have been. True happiness will elude you, and you will always be looking for something else.