Becoming a coat
I know that not everybody is familiar with Bible stories. However, I am fond of the story about Joseph and the beautiful, colourful coat that his mother made especially for him. Not one of his eleven brothers received a coat like that. From the story, it seems as if this was an exquisite and special coat, and Joseph wore it with pride. Personally, I think this coat became part of Joseph’s identity. It personified him in a specific way, not only to his mother and himself, but also to the other people around him, including his brothers. The more he walked around while showing off his beautiful coat (his new sense of self), the more envious his brothers became. Hatred brew within themselves.
From wearing a coat to being naked
Long story short, his brothers sold Joseph into slavery, tore his coat, and soaked it in blood as proof to their parents that Joseph was killed. And just like that, this amazing Technicolor coat became a coat of shame. Joseph was stripped of his humanity, his dignity, his place in his community, and society. He lost his identity in one brutal act of violence and betrayal. Gone was his beautiful coat of many colours, taking with it his sense of self. He felt naked, exposed, and lost. He felt abandoned by the people he loved and who he thought loved him. He was now dressed in a transparent coat of shame (‘nakedness’), woven of humiliation and despair.
Shame
The thing is, shame, like any other emotion, is something that we can only experience if we make it our own. We can only experience emotions if we allow ourselves to. How many times have we heard the words ‘shame on you!’, ‘shame on you for what you have become’, ‘shame on you for your actions’, ‘shame on you for the choices you make’. ‘Shame’ has become a cheap word, easily thrown around to put down others, so we can feel better about ourselves.
The scary part is that sometimes we even go a step further. We become part of the accusers, pointing fingers at ourselves, shaming ourselves. We allow the projections of others to infiltrate our inner being, to circle around, and make nest in the depths of our bellies. We allow the shame to consume us, belittle us. We transform to someone invisible without a voice. That is the downfall, the moment we accept the coats that others give us. We lose ourselves, because we now need to live up to the unrealistic expectations of others. For Joseph, his Technicolor coat became so powerful, that, when removed, he felt lost and confused. He was supposed to be loved and his inner circle sold him into slavery, shaming him, depriving him of his worth.
The power does not lie in the coat
We need to realise that the power does not lie in these coats we receive from others, or the coats taken away from us. We decide how much power we give to a coat, or to the people who remove coats from us. The actual power lies within ourselves. We need to learn how to access that power again. As long as we own our power, people can dress us in as many coats as they like, or take away our coats, and it won’t matter at all. When a coat is removed by others, the shame is not ours, but theirs.
Embrace your nakedness
In our nakedness, we can finally become aware of ourselves and connect with ourselves. We can stop hiding behind the coat. The coat does not represent our identity anymore. Rather, we discover who we really are, that we are actually much more than a beautiful Technicolor coat. We know that we do not need to be shameful of our vulnerability (nakedness). It is in this vulnerability that our power lies.
Accepting shame is your choice
More and more others try their best to shame us with the coats they want to put on us. They try to manipulate us to think that we should actually be proud of these coats. They want us to believe that we are only special if we behave and think like them. However, shame does not lie in the fact that we are not like others, that we are vaccinated or not, that we eat meat or not, that we are straight or not. Shame does not lie in these choices. Shame does not lie in the fingers pointed at us. No, the shame lies in allowing these fingers to pierce our hearts.
If we feel ashamed of ourselves, we become sitting ducks. We project that shame to the outside world, and they will eagerly respond to that, shaming us even more. When we refuse the coats that are given to us, the coats that seem so colourful and magnificent, when we wear our vulnerability boldly and with pride, no one can ever shame us again. We need to get to that place where we decide which coats we want to wear or not. The choice is ours, we decide.
