How to escape a mental and emotional rip current (merc)

On Saturdays, I always sleep in a little. I set my daily intentions, and was about to have some breakfast when I decided that this day was going to start off differently. Jogging it was! I have not been exercising for a while, but today was going to be different. I grabbed a banana, left a note for my family, and off I went. It was a beautiful day – no wind, fresh air, and sunny skies.

Confronted by a rip current

The winter here is more gentle, not as harsh as we experienced in other parts of the country ─ definitely one of the perks of living at the sea.  The area where we live has quite a few notorious and challenging hills, but being declared a nature conservancy, it is truly beautiful and a great blessing, even if you are huffing and puffing. I did the normal route (although slower than usual). When I reached the beach, I saw a sign stating “How to escape a rip current”. I immediately thought of life, and how we sometimes feel like being caught up in a rip current. I have not experienced a rip current myself, but I have heard stories of people who had, and I know there are many who have not survived such an ordeal.

How to escape a rip current

From what I know, and what I have learned from the sign, is that a rip current pulls you away from the shoreline. It takes you into the sea ─ an unknown, and often dangerous place. The problem is, the more you resist, the more exhaustion sets in, and the greater the chances of drowning. You should relax, stop your struggling, surrender to the current, and let it take you into the deep. You, therefore, need to change your strategy. When the rip current ends (and it does end), you can swim back to safety. Maybe easier said than done, because life happens.

Experiencing a mental and emotional rip current (merc)

Being caught in a merc can be quite a traumatic experience. It may feel as if it pulls you apart, ripping your heart from your body, re-wiring your brain, and causing erratic reactions ─ you may say things you do not mean, or you withdraw and do not communicate at all. Similar to the rip current in the sea, you want to fight it with everything in you, you want to survive, but you end up being exhausted, slowly feeling the water filling your nose and mouth. You gasp for air, just to get more water and foam into your lungs. With absolute terror you realise that this is it, this is me going down, and there is nothing that I can do to stop it. This is where you are wrong. Why? You are in control! You have to decide to stop struggling, stop resisting ─ to stay calm, think clearly, and change your strategy.

Sometimes we end up in situations that make us feel out of control, just like a rip current. However, do not forget that you have the power to change direction. Just as you have the power to overcome a rip current, you have the power to overcome your merc. The secret is to stay calm, to think clearly, and to strategize. That is exactly what coaching does – it allows you to stay in the moment, think clearly, and to strategize for what lies ahead.

Remember, you are in control!

If you are currently caught in a merc, and it feels as if you are being ripped apart, that you are not surviving, you are drowning, you need to know that you are still in control. You are still the master of your destiny. You just need to change your attitude and you strategy. What I have experienced with clients (and in my own life) is that you just need to look at things a little differently. A big change is at the tip of your fingers the moment you change your perspective. I will discuss some of these perspective changers in forthcoming blogs:

• Circumstances do not control you, you control circumstances by choosing how to react.
• Put effort into getting to know yourself: Who you are and what you want from life. It is impossible to set a goal, if your life vision is blurry.
• Work with inner conflict – we all have conflicting selves (parts) within us. You need to realize that they actually want to work together to achieve the best outcome for you. You just need to make them aware of your goals.
• Get rid of negative emotions – remember you choose your own outcome.
• Get rid of negative beliefs. These beliefs keep on playing over and over in your mind: How incapable you are, that you are not good enough, not smart enough, and not worthwhile. All lies!
• Stop comparing yourself with others, you have your own dance to dance, and that is beautiful.
• Stop criticizing and judging yourself and others, it is a venom and brings forth no life.

You cannot always prevent getting caught in a merc, life happens. However, you can always choose your strategy. You can always decide whether you will struggle until you become so tired that life seems meaningless and overwhelming. Or you can take control and make decisions that will benefit you. These decisions will steer you towards calmer waters and eventually the beach, where you can lie on your back, feel the sand beneath your body, the sun on your face, the cool breeze, and know that for now you are actually okay.